Black Friday Chronicles

CHRONICLES

Three stories. One night. A trimmer, a glow, and a signal that never stopped.

🖊️ Written by The Nutsmate Team  |  ⏱️ 15 min read

Sir Luke the Smooth. The Knight of the Smooth Realm

In the age of endless noise and tangled beards, when chaos ruled the markets and men trembled before the wild, there arose one unlikely hero — Sir Luke of Suburbia.

Upon that fateful morn of Black Friday, as thunder rolled through the land of discounts, a vision did appear upon his glowing scrying glass.
It spake: “The Nutsmate Groin & Body Hair Trimmer — now twenty percent less, forged for the brave.”

Whilst common folk battled o’er glittering trinkets and air fryers of dubious worth, Sir Luke steeled his heart.
With courage unyielding and mouse in hand, he smote the “Buy Now” button as though it were a dragon’s heart.

Three dawns hence, a parcel arrived — plain, unmarked, yet heavy with fate.
And when he did unseal it, the gleam of the ceramic blade shone brighter than Excalibur itself.
He powered the sacred tool, and lo — the hum of destiny filled the chamber like a hymn of the ancients.

Long did he battle in that steamy arena, till the beast was tamed and the man reborn.
He emerged not as Luke the Common, but as Luke the Smooth — radiant of spirit, and glistening as sunrise upon steel.

The townsfolk beheld his transformation and whispered in awe.
When questioned of his triumph, he merely spake with humble grace:

“I have faced the wild… and conquered it.”

Now each year, when the Black Friday banners rise once more, Sir Luke lights a candle beside his trusty trimmer and recites the sacred vow of the Order of Nutsmate:

“Stay steadfast. Stay smooth.
Let no forest stand untrimmed.”

The Smooth Encounter – The Black Friday Glow

It all began on Black Friday — the night when men lose reason and wallets alike.
Jason wasn’t looking for a miracle, just a deal. But when he saw the Nutsmate Head Shaver Pro, sleek and powerful, something in him whispered, “Do it.”
So he did.

That night, under the dim bathroom light, he unboxed it — black, polished, humming softly like it already knew its purpose.
One slow pass, then another. The sound was hypnotic, the rhythm steady.
And then… the light changed.

It started faint — a soft shimmer at the crown of his head.
But with each stroke, it grew brighter, until the room itself seemed to bend around the glow.
His skin reflected every beam like liquid silver, smooth and unreal.
The mirror threw back a version of him he didn’t recognize — confident, magnetic, untouchable.

He laughed quietly, unsure whether to feel proud or possessed.
Then she appeared in the doorway, frozen by the light that spilled toward her across the floor.
“Jason,” she breathed, “you’re glowing.”
He turned slowly, the silver gleam sliding down the curve of his skull. “Black Friday,” he said, half joking. “Guess I got more than a discount.”

She stepped closer, mesmerized. The glow rippled, alive, like it was breathing with him.
When her hand reached his scalp, the light flared — soft but hot, like the first spark before a flame.
The air thickened. The walls flickered. The world shrank to just the two of them and that impossible radiance.

They never made it to dinner.
Later, when the house fell silent, the glow still pulsed faintly — slow, tender, almost heart-like — painting the sheets in pale gold.

By morning, the light had dimmed but not disappeared.
His head still shimmered softly in the shadows.
And on the table where he’d left the shaver, it was gone —
only a single, delicate beam of light remained,
slowly fading… as if it had slipped back to wherever it came from.

The Signal – A Grooming from Beyond

It was 2:47 a.m. on Black Friday when Ben woke to the sound of static — a faint, rhythmic hiss pulsing through his headphones.
At first, he thought it was interference. Then his phone lit up.
No notifications. Just a single message on the screen:
“Transmission incoming.”

Below it, a link — Nutsmate Nose & Ear Groomer.
He didn’t remember clicking it, but somehow, the order went through.

By morning, a small box sat at his door.
No courier. No label. Only his name, written in a hand that wasn’t quite human.
The packaging felt cold, like metal pretending to be cardboard.

When he switched it on, the hum wasn’t mechanical. It was… harmonic.
Low, deep, synchronised with his heartbeat. Each vibration seemed to reach inside him, tuning something unseen.
He used it once — and the static in his ears stopped. Not just the noise — everything.
For the first time in years, silence. Too perfect to be real.

That night, he couldn’t sleep. The silence felt alive.
Then, through the window, he saw it — a single light in the sky, blinking twice, pausing, then twice again.
The exact rhythm of the trimmer’s pulse.

His phone buzzed.
A message appeared, bright green on a black screen:

“Transmission received. Welcome to the smooth side.”

He laughed nervously, snapped a photo — but the camera showed only static.
The next morning, the message was gone. So was the box.

Now, some nights, the hum returns — faint, steady, somewhere between his ears.
And sometimes, when the world is quiet enough,
he swears he can hear a voice whisper through the static:

“Ben, it’s time for maintenance.”

When the lights go out, the stories begin.
Some say it’s just a sale — others know it’s something more.
This Black Friday, step into the smooth side… if you dare.